The Year of the Ashcat//Ash Wednesday

((AKA the best years of my life))

 

so.. let me start off by saying I was never someone who wanted children.. honestly, i'm about as maternal as a rock (I know shocking because I come off as such a warm & inviting individual.. *scoff) .. & I didn't plan on having kids for a long LONG time (if ever).. but then I disregarded ALL those horrendously awkward sex-ed videos from my public school era, that warned me about 'sex' & how it can have permanent & last side effects such as 'children' & wouldn't ya know it, they were right..

& he is the best side effect I've ever had (&& I know a damn thing about 'side-effects'.. I am the Poster Child for 'Murphy's Law.. if somethings going to happen to that 1% iiii am going to be that 1%)  don't get me wrong though it wasn't all cat purrs & chocolate milk.. the thought of ME having a CHILD terrified me & then to realize that I would be an M-O-M just about made me shit my pants.. I mean ya I was 22 (almost 23), had already gone through school, && had already read ALL the Harry Potters, but I mean even with that impressive resume, could IIIIIIIIIIII raise a semi-respectable member of society??? I don't know.. I still have my doubts & go through those days where i'm sure if my child had been solely reared by me he MIGHT have been the next Jeffry Domer..

^maternity pictures courtesy of :: KatyDid Photography^^

so as my child approach's his big TWO YEAR OLD milestone I can't help but gush.. (if you're sick of hearing about/seeing pictures of my kid NOW is the time to exit this blog post.. but I hate you & you're wrong).. I mean throughout combined efforts, that I've been a part of, a human being has been kept alive for almost TWO whole calendar years.. although he HAS done his best to thwart our efforts (over achiever + no regard for physical safety or wellbeing + the energy of an entire Rugby team in one tiny body = asher)

& while I NEVER saw my life taking quite this drastic of a turn of events I can't say I regret one minute of it.. now I DO regret how I spent my time leading up to my Ashy.. I wish I would have done more so I could be more & do more for him.. but you cant cry over spilled milk (unless it's breast milk.. then you just go ahead & sob)

alas here he is, & here I am & we're doing ok.. i'll ask my Coley all the time 'what did we do before babies??' & she'll say 'I have no idea but I know I had a TON more free time, I wasn't near this freakin tired, & thought I was a LOT busier than I was' & it's the truth.. I can't really remember what life was like before these tiny tyrants we call children came along but I honestly can say it wasn't anywhere near as important as my life now!

I have never actually written down his birth story so I figure I should get it down on paper, while it's still semi-fresh.. okay okay it's completely stale BUT the events of that day, like the pain of labor, will forever be scarred into my brain.. ONWARDS..

okay so 2 year ago today I was very, very pregnant right now.. i was in the home stretch, my dr's appts had graduated to 'weekly status', baby was running out of room, i was having a hard time finding enough room for myself in my own body, & i was ready to have a baby.. don't get me wrong I  LOVED being pregnant.. I never worried about the weight gain (35 'HEALTHY' pounds holla!!) ..Everytime i got weighed i left my coat &&& shoes on & said with gusto 'alright tell me how NOT thin i am'!!.. I never really was horribly uncomfortable.. it didn't slow me down.. & i only got 3 1/2 inch stretch marks above my belly button.. that totally fan out into like a crown which i have always attributed to my Little Prince 'branding me'.. which i oddly find heartwarming??

^taken 5 days before the GREAT PUSH whilst in early labor^

 

BUT anyways my body started into labor the entire week before I had him (normal, according to my doctor, since we THOUGHT i was 40 weeks.. that is another story)  & so 3 days into that I was OVER the contractions every 3 minutes & the constant pee breaks.. among other horrible unmentionable things.. (birth is just carnage.. pure bodily carnage) & I was convinced he was NEVER going to come out.. he was an incredibly lazy baby towards the end, like wouldn't move all day, (even when i fell down the stairs..) nothing fazed my 'Stone Cold Steve Austin' baby, && I think he really was just cozy all up in my uterus.. so even though I was TECHNICALLY in early labor my Dr. made the appointment to strip my membranes (she didn't want to use pitocin unless necessary) Tuesday the 5th due to the fact that it WAS my first baby & my body didn't know quite how to get the ball rolling & that I was measuring at//my ultrasounds were reading that I was mere days away from 41 weeks pregnant

^trying to jump this baby out 2 days prior^

oh & me & Gabey are matching fatties in our onsies

 so i'm supposed to have my membranes stripped that Tuesday at 11:30am & have my baby later that day.. Monday night comes, I eat some Jello & head to bed.. only I couldn't sleep.. I constantly was having contractions && I had to pee literally every 5 minutes.. so naturally i'm pissed cause I know I NEED my sleep cause tomorrow I was birthing a baby (oh how right I would turn out to be).. I ended up getting maybe 2 hours of sleep that night.. 4:45am comes & I feel like I have to get up & walk around.. so I go into the kitchen & BAM contraction!!  so i'm leaning on the island & I look up & staring at me through the laundry room door is Miss Kitty.. now I've been admitted & booted out of the hospital 3 times in the last week & that does NOT do good things for a preggers woman's moral.. so I look at my cat, delirious with pain, & verbally ask her.. 'MK, if this is really REALLY it, give me a sign.. any sign..' now this cat is the most fidgety vocal borderline-autistic feline in the history of ever & for the first, last, & only time in her life she did nothing.. NOTHING.. that damn cat didn't even blink.. I was so mad that if it didn't feel like lady parts were being repeatedly run over I probably would have marched right over to her & drop kicked her.. but my lady parts DID feel like they were being repeatedly run over so my spiteful cat lived to see many another day.. then at about 5:10am  I had the overwhelming feeling that I need to drop a deuce (I know. child birth is so cute) so my soul is a little crushed when I realize 'maybe all that i'm meant to birth tonight is a turd..' so I waddle my way to the bathroom sit down & nothing.. & then HOLY HELL a massive contraction hits me while i'm sitting on the can...

now I feel is a good time to tell you that I didn't go to any birthing classes.. knew nothing of controlling my breathing & what not.. so naturally i'm in a lot of pain & so I just stop breathing.. so now i'm on the pot with my pants down & i'm getting extremely light headed & I realize that if I pass out now, i'm going to fall off, & Ben who is just through the wall from the bathroom, will hear the thud & investigate & find me pants down, ass up, on the floor.. which A. no brother should have to see & B. I knew when Ben DID find me like that he was likely to leave me there & go back to bed.. so with that heartwarming scenario in mind I now was determined to get through this contraction & go get myself help WITH my pants on.. so the contraction ends, I re-oxygenate my body, & I book it for the stairs..

down down down the stairs I go (not too fast, dont need to fall down them again.. although it would have saved time) I reach the bottom, shuffle to the end of the hallway, open the door to my mom, turn on the light, & CONTRACTION.. so I hit the floor, on ALL fours, not saying anything, she pops up & chiperly ask's 'is it go-time?? okay let me go put my shoes' with WAY too much enthusiasm for me at that moment.. contraction ends & I open the door to my room (where Coley & Gabe are staying) they are both up & i am retarded amounts of hurt at the moment so I open the door peak my head in, then close the door.. then I repeat this process 5 more times before Coley finally asks (in a semi-non judgemental tone) 'soooooo... baby??/ I am finally able to gather my wits about me & respond 'we don't know but mom's gonna take me in then we'll see if it's another false alarm so we'll call you if it's for real' (surprisingly articulate considering the last 5 silent minutes of my life *backpat*)  Nicole declares 'NONSENSE we're already up so we're coming right now!!' so up she goes & I take this opportunity to draw on my eyebrows.. I was NOT bring a baby into this world with OUT eyebrows (it made sense to me at the time) then I waddle upstairs & put on my slippers, get through another contraction & then I waddle out to the car.

. my MOM goes literally 100mph on icy roads & gets me to the hospital in no more than 45 seconds.. I'm not kidding you.. my single request was 'DON'T JOSTLE ME!!'  we screech up to the ER & she throws it in park jumps out & eats it.. HARD.. on some black ice (& wouldn't you know it another contraction so I missed the excitement.. it's probably for the best.. I would have laughed & it would have hurt more) so they get me into L&D room 2 at around 5:45am.. & the nurse checks me & lo & behold i'm at a 5.. & i'm bipolar when i'm in labor pains.. I was yelling at people then apologizing profusely cause I was terrified they'd get mad & not give me the drugs.. (&& I was in full on junkie mode looking for that sweet spinal tap fix) .. so we're waiting for the anesthesiologist & they SAY they can give me other pain meds through my IV.. only they can't get a line it.. cause they kept blowing out my veins.. in both arms..  I WANT TO DIE.. (asher said 'OPEN SESAME' & my cervix did NOT skip a beat..

reading a Sports Illustrated.. trying to bring those good testosterone vibes into the room..

my contractions were hitting hard & heavy.. i have had no drugs.. i had made my peace with God//was willing myself to just. die. & hoped that Coley would recognize her role in all of this && would just slice me open & retrieve my baby, ala Twilight style..

 

35 minutes later, my drug dealer finally showed up, got the IV in with a needle literally the size of a basketball pump, & then sets about to giving me the goods.. & only numbed my right side.. HOWEVER they were able to check me now because i no longer had a death wish & TADA!! i was already fully at a 10.. so in less than 40 minutes i was OPEN for business..i'm telling you people i was made to birth babies.. & while i most definitely got that epidural for the pushing, i KNOW what dialating to a 10 feels like.. & it's not good.. so then we re-did my epidural again & now BOTH sides were numb & all was right in the world..

after that my Dr. showed up & asked how I was (awesome, flipping AWESOME) & then she said if I was good to sit for about an hour, to let the baby move down, she was gonna go check on patients.. now I have sisters that had to get ready for babies first photo-op so it just was best for everyone to wait a while before pushing.. so we chilled & painted face for about 1&1/2 hours then my Dr. came back & we set about getting the show on the road..

^^ first photo op with the goods)

Finally after about an hour of pushing (I felt like Greys Anatomy should have better prepared me for real time pushing) .. at 10:00 am, on March 5th, Asher Ames popped out an exceptionally healthy (albeit 4 FULL weeks premature.. He was born the day he turned 36 weeks.. I say this to fully illustrate what a TANK he would have been had he gone full term) 7lbs 11.5oz,

19'' long (short???) NO respiratory problems, scored an 8 on the APGAR, && MY was he a handsome new born.. I know MOST everybody say that, but my babes really was a good looking, straight out the womb

^^taken AS they handed him back to me only MNUTES old.. I know BABEin right?!?!^^

he was SUCH good baby.. he slept most the time.. only cried when he was hungry.. nursed like a champ,. & had no less than 10 dirty diapers a DAY! he had the farts of a full grown man..the only thing was he pretended to be deaf for 2 months.. like failed hearing tests.. didn't respond to noise.. just ignored us.. he was incredibly rude.. then he started smiling as SOON as the ruse was up.. he was just a little cuddle bug.. he NEVER cooed.. instead opting for zombie-esque grunts..

^moms little dock worker^

 Ben was the ONLY sibling not there for the birth.. he said 'I already watched my legitimate nephew come out I don't need to see your bastard be borned'.. he was mostly kidding;)

 

Great Grandma Peggy

MomCole loved the Tiny AshMan

Pop pop loves his manly little grandchildren

 Aunt Turtle

 are you my mother??

 

 Aunt SUGs (she was seriously considering stealing him in this moment..Brooke just has creepy baby snatching vibes)

 

basically he is the best thing that I have ever & will ever do.. & honestly I feel like he is to great for me to even take any credit.. he is so far beyond myself in every way.. I mean in looks he IS my mini-me, but in all the wonderful that he is, he is 100% self-made.. i'm so happy he chose to be a part of our loud crazy family & I can't wait for many many MANY more years of the Ashcat

^when he was 1 week old^

 

^mothers day in Hawaii// 2 months old^

 

^GIRL-OFF with brother-cousin Gabe^

 

^moms bad biker babe on a bike ride to see one of his favorite people, POP POP, at work^

 

^mustache MAY^

 

^First 4th of July in their homemade Merica belly shirts^

 

his Aunty Helen MADE him & Gabe CUSTOM speedo's for their first camping trip at Priest Lake ID

BEACH BABES

 



he hated watermelon?? WHAT!!! that was one of my biggest pregnancy cravings!!!

 

^first Halloween//Gabeoween.. Lucifer & Gus Gus^^

Coley MADE that costume from SCRATCH!!

 

Christmas 2013

 

WALKING at 9 months

 

He LOVES his Caylo sissy

 

 

^First birthday// the mustache bash^

 

\

on his FIRST CRUISE

(Asher has been to 4 Countries & 11 states)

 

^Being a sweet church go-er boy^

(he's finally gotten to only biting ONE kid in nursery.. that kid is Gabe)

First boat ride

^this is how we rode.. the entire time^

 

FIRST TUBE RIDE!!

 

^The END of that first tube ride^

(kidding)

 

^weekly family trips to the Tauphus Park Zoo//summer 2014^

 

Ashcats 2nd Halloween/GabeOween

(Shaggy & the Miner Forty-Niner)

 

ASHCAT OUT

 

Ps::happy ASH Wednesday

Pss:: ..we're not catholic..

Psss:: ..like at all..