short story long: NovemBRRRRR!!!

FALLaLaLaLa-FALLALEJIAH!!! Fall is by far my best jam, seasonally speaking.

September still has a hint of summer to it. Once October hits, Fall really takes stride. And by November you can only find subtle traces of Autumn. Don't get me wrong though, I love November. The holiday season is in a wind up before going into full swing right around Thanksgiving. Christmas lights are starting to peak out. Trees are still putting themselves to sleep for the long winter ahead. It's truly fabulous.

What is not so fabulous is how damn cold it is. All the time. It's the 18th day of this the 11th month & I'm pretty sure that my hands haven't felt NOT post-mortem since mid October.

Today, under obvious circumstances, I found myself asking my frigid conflicted soul a question. 'Is it worst to have to sit on a cold toilet seat?? Or to find your ass on a THROUGHLY warmed over porcelain throne, for obvious & equally disturbing reasons??' Do you appreciate the fact that someone unknowingly took the time to sit there BARE ASS & all for an extended period

SO LONG in fact that their hind end was able to warm up a frozen over November toilet seat?? And that YOU had to use the facilities in such a close timed proximity that you can still, very literally, FEEL their presence?? Congratulations; you get to enjoy a relatively toasty YET extremely off putting trip to the lou! But is it worth it?? Do you appreciate the fact that said persons butt bugs are extremely warm & inviting?? Ya me neither.

I just want my ice cold crapper back. Where I can lie to myself & tell myself that IM THE ONLY ONE for it.

Basically it's cold. The world feels like an ice cube. And I can dig it. As long as my toilet seats remain as frigid & SEEMINGLY barren as my own heart & I'm taking in the wonderful frozen world from inside a warm hospitable environment that is impervious to any outside elements.

So one more time, IN CASE you didn't get it, let me reiterate so there is ZERO misunderstanding. Toilet seats; I want those to feel as consistantly cold & as dead as my hands.