Once go BLACK you never go BACK

Thanksgiving is one of my most favorite holidays. Ever. Sure I get overly stressed out/turn into an alpha kitchen wench. But I still dig it. It's like a less hyped up Christmas. You still get to spend time with your family MINUS the stress of presents. Because gifts are the bane of my existence. I LOVE giving them. Ask anyone, i'm that awkward person that if I hear a friend of a friend of an associate say they have a slight hankering for a Snickers, next time I see that distantly acquainted person I will be there, creepy grinning with a Snickers bar in tow. HOWEVER if I have to come up with a gift idea seemingly out of thin air, I stress almost to the point of ulcers.

So THAT is why thanksgiving is pretty much the kitties titties in my book. LATELY though douchebag corporation giants are trying to cock block turkey day by starting BLACK FRIDAY on a THURSDAY. I know, it doesn't make sense. I've taken to calling it Brown Thursday. Cause it's a shitty thing to pull. This year we had stores opening as early as 3p on  Thanksgiving. .We generally don't even start eating until at least 4p. I can't lie, I HAVE participated in Brown Thursday. But when it started at 8p. & even then it felt awfully premature.

This year I decided to participate in Black Friday ON Black Friday. It was awful. Most anything worth braving the mass crowds of the general public for, was already sold out. Leaving us that chose to WAIT until the designated day, to pick over the scraps of door busters long since busted. If I sound bitter & butt hurt, it's because I am. I really am. Generally I try to get ready for this retail blood bath SINCE it is proven FACT that people tend to be nicer to people if they look prettier. We suck, we're all super shallow, MOVING ON. This year I threw caution & cover-up to the wind & went looking like Sadness. Both figuratively & literally (if you've seen Inside Out; Sadness is my dopple-ganger *holla).

Plainly put, today I was a mean, MEAN bum. Next year, i'll be once again busting out the falsies & contouring my face to chiseled war paint perfection.. They really are an unorthodox confidence boost when you're having to risk life & limb to find your Aunt all the pairs of size 10 $19.99 doorbuster boots. It seemed like SUCH an easy task,  who else even has feet that large? Cake walk, right? Until I was wrestling over 'big-foot-boxes' with the largest herd of Cholas I've ever seen in my entire life. Not joking.

For the record, I got those boots. Every damn pair.

This year I was able to make out with some modest savings. Found some decent deals. NOT my best work. In all honesty I'm not exceptionally proud of what I did today. BUT I am hoping Cyber Monday will bring me better luck. Chances are already lookig good as I won't technically have to deal with any 'people'. Hallelujiah. It really is the little things.

take a hike//

I've had the opportunity to hike EVERY weekend in November. Can I just say I LOVE November in Utah?? I love November in Utah. You could never pull this off in Wyoming.

I'm about as outdoorsy & sturdy as a chiuhuahua BUT I have always loved hiking! I'm never the most prepared so it helps to have a hiking buddy that is always OVER prepared. Or just the right amount of prepared?? I tend to make fun of him for all the extra precautions & excess amounts of weather appropriate apparel he brings along AND then I always end up eating my words later.

Plainly put I should probably die on the side of the mountain due to exposure to the elements EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. But my boy scout always makes sure I'm taken care of. It's pretty great. The best part is he does it in a nice way that lets me know ' we're both are aware that you're not very good at this outdoorsy stuff BUT it's okay, I got you'. He even undertook taking me AND the Ashcat on a hike// ended up carrying Asher for 90% of it// even wiped his runny grubby little nose.

pretty great, right? Right.

 

So far I've done; Ghost Falls, Desolation Peak, & The Living Room. Yesterday was the first time I did a hike by myself & it was easily the least best one I've done so far. Sure I HAD Adele & Biebs to cheer me up the mountain. BUT I wore entirely too many layers + packed skittles +  NO water..

 

The view was AMAZEBALLS. The dehydration NOT so much. I've always thought of myself as a seemingly & mostly competent person who was proficient at adulting. Yesterday I was able to cover the basics, such as I got my ass up the mountain, HOWEVER that being said, it really proved how much better life is when you have a handy dandy hiking buddy to get up the mountain & take in the views with.

And now a vain photo montage.. Cause my handy dandy hiking buddy makes for a pretty great view.

He was nervous about the dog going out there. Obviously not about me though. #priorities

#kidding

some random couple told me to do the Titanic pose. lets call this half mast.

just a boy & his dog..

a boy & his dog::pt 2.

 

HAHAHA joke

 

whelp that's about it!!

 

ames out

 

 

NovemBRRRRR!!!

FALLaLaLaLa-FALLALEJIAH!!! Fall is by far my best jam, seasonally speaking.

September still has a hint of summer to it. Once October hits, Fall really takes stride. And by November you can only find subtle traces of Autumn. Don't get me wrong though, I love November. The holiday season is in a wind up before going into full swing right around Thanksgiving. Christmas lights are starting to peak out. Trees are still putting themselves to sleep for the long winter ahead. It's truly fabulous.

What is not so fabulous is how damn cold it is. All the time. It's the 18th day of this the 11th month & I'm pretty sure that my hands haven't felt NOT post-mortem since mid October.

Today, under obvious circumstances, I found myself asking my frigid conflicted soul a question. 'Is it worst to have to sit on a cold toilet seat?? Or to find your ass on a THROUGHLY warmed over porcelain throne, for obvious & equally disturbing reasons??' Do you appreciate the fact that someone unknowingly took the time to sit there BARE ASS & all for an extended period

 SO LONG in fact that their hind end was able to warm up a frozen over November toilet seat?? And that YOU had to use the facilities in such a close timed proximity that you can still, very literally, FEEL their presence?? Congratulations; you get to enjoy a relatively toasty YET extremely off putting trip to the lou! But is it worth it?? Do you appreciate the fact that said persons butt bugs are extremely warm & inviting?? Ya me neither.

I just want my ice cold crapper back. Where I can lie to myself & tell myself that IM THE ONLY ONE for it.

Basically it's cold. The world feels like an ice cube. And I can dig it. As long as my toilet seats remain as frigid & SEEMINGLY barren as my own heart & I'm taking in the wonderful frozen world from inside a warm hospitable environment that is impervious to any outside elements. 

So one more time, IN CASE you didn't get it, let me reiterate so there is ZERO misunderstanding. Toilet seats; I want those to feel as consistantly cold & as dead as my hands.

always..

& scene..

Now here are some pictures of cats.. because YAY!!! FELINES!!!

& a cow kicker for Lyv cause she has a weird obsession with our bovine counterparts.

it's not you, it's me.

Let me start this by saying my personal experience with ''relationships'' is limited.. i'll be the first to admit to the fact that I am NO T--Swizzle & have not done a whole lot of firsthand research. As I DON'T count month long high school boyfriends & torrid summer flings. However that being said I was born with a LOT of God given common sense (I can hear the nay-saying groans from my peanut gallery (aka mi familia) as I write this.. come on guys.. i'm like super smart) Anyways take my reasonable amounts of brain power & add to it that & I was raised to value myself, all by MYself, without any other SELFS added to the mix for added validation & you will get the following equation.. I AM AN 8 COW WOMAN

Sure I make most hobo's look good on a consistent basis, my language sometimes ventures into sailor territory, my taste in tv programing is somewhat questionable (desperate housewifes IS life), I wear stretchy pants daily/forget to put deodorant on at about that same frequency. I have phases where I'm overly dependent on dry shampoo. My dance moves more resemble a seizure or Napoleon Dynamite than anything else. I like to pee with the door open. I laugh when bad things happen AND at the most inconvenient & inappropriate times (if you're dog dies don't tell me.. i'll probably just creepy smile at you). I overly love the feline population ALMOST to that point that its weird. I cannot make hash browns to save my life (gelatinous potato flavored goop that ONCE resembled an actual food is more up my alley). I sweat, I burp, I fart, I pick my nose when I'm deep in thought,  I am about as social as a ceiling fan, & as awkward as a potato.

I am fatally & unquestionably HUMAN. I am painfully self aware & gratefully so. Any bad thing anyone thinks of me I promise I have already thought it of myself.  It has taken me a long LOOONG time (quarter of a century folks) but I now know that inspite of all the ME that I have going on I am undoubtably & without question an 8 bovine female. Granted the shape that my cows are in, is at times, questionable. I will be the first to admit I'm not the most avid 'cattle rancher' so to speak ALL the time.. However while the overall appearance & moral of my herd varies, the worth remains the same.  And while my Johnny Lingo has yet to come a calling I guarantee.. okay, okay..  I DESPERATELY hope, that he will be able to look at me & see past all of my twisted, ugly, dark parts & decide that I am worth more than a single hamburger patty.

I grew up in a relatively small town in Wyoming. A predominantly LDS community. WHICH ps I am NOT dogging. I'm just giving some background. With this upbringing came a culture, within which it was fully acceptable & NORMAL, for girls to be married shortly after high school with the majority being married by or whereabouts the age of 20. Many people grow up, date, marry, live, & die MOSTLY within the confines of this Valley. I say MOSTLY because some WILL venture outside the south & north ends for a spell before ultimately coming back 'home'. Throughout my childhood I just assumed I would meet my sweetheart, he'd leave on a mish while i'd finish high school (he'd be older, of course), he'd come home, we'd wed & a month or so into wedded bliss i'd be super up the spout, yada yada yada..

I honest to God thought that was the natural order & way of things. Theeeeeeen I grew up. Literally the ONLY part I day dreamt up correctly was that I DID in fact graduate high school (I know congratu-freakin-lations even Forrest Gump pulled that off.

PEAS & CARROTS!!) &&& I was super up the spout for a time.. Looking back now I am so glad that I was so bass ackwards. Speaking strictly for MYSELF the older I've gotten the more I've learned about myself. Also the more I'm convinced I'd be in a penitentiary had I married young cause guarantee I would have married a complete douchebag & smothered him in his sleep before our first wedding anniversary. Thankfully my taste has gotten markedly better. Mostly. Once again, fatally human being here. More importantly, or MOST importantly I know WHAT I DESERVE. Its sad & scary to admit, but I know I would have settled for the single hamburger patty. 

At this point I'm happy to wait for MY right person. I've made it this far alone & I ain't hitching my wagon to JUST anyone. Unless I hit 40.. Then i'll marry Lloyd Baker. I've been able to grow & progress in ways that I know I wouldn't have been able to do any other way but alone. I've been able to figure out what I want out of life & what kind of a person I want/NEED beside me (a saint.. nothing less than the most forgiving & patient person on the planet).. YES! It WILL be exciting to see how much I can grow WITH my person BUT I don't think i'll view any time spent before them as time wasted. In the time I've had to myself, I've been able to make my wagon hitchable. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BORN WITH STELLAR WAGONS. Some people have janky handcarts. Personally mine has taken time. So I'm glad I've made it to a quarter century by myself. I'm glad I've been able to be on the outside looking in. Granted at times I remember going through periods of life like 'WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU FIGURED IT OUT BY NOW. WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?? ITS NOT THAT HARD. JUST PICK ONE!'

 

I was wrong. SO WRONG. It IS that hard. It's supposed to be. UNTIL you find THE ONE. And even then it's still so damn HARD. It has to be. It is meant to be that much of a struggle & an uphill battle to find YOUR person. So that you can appreciate them FOR BEING THEM & FOR FINDING THEM. Because while the road will level out for periods of time it will ALWAYS be uphill & you NEED to have that person beside you to help you get up that damn hill. And you HAVE to love them enough, even more than you love yourself I reckon, not to just ditch them on the side of the road. IT IS ONLY GREAT BECAUSE IT IS HARD.

So regardless if your life has roughly followed my initial draft that my young mind day dreamt up (when I wasn't paying attention in math class) OR yours more mirrors the stark reality that my life has thus-far played out to be. Whether your road is long or short, bumpy or smooth, if you've already found your traveling companion or are still strolling it solo. ITS ALL OKAY. Regardless of where you're at in life just ALWAYS have in mind that you are worth it & keep moving forward!!!

Remember that it IS you & it's okay to admit it. You are worth ALL 8 COWS!! And you are doing JUST FINE, so puff out that 8 cow chest, put a smile on that 8 cow face & KEEP GOING.  After all;

^ps.. its not (unknown) it's (John Lennon)..

 

& scene.

** forgive my scattered, cheer-leady, HEAVILY METAPHORIC feelings. I'm a glass case of emotion, my baby maker is angry, & I just want to mainline peanut m&m's..