ITS A WRAP

So.. for the past.. er.. like 5 days (not quite a week) i got it in my head that i was going to succesfully do a DIY body wrap.. don't ask me why THAT was the idea that i became fixated on, it just happened..

sidenote:: i didn't decide i wanted to do one because i thought it'll magically make me look like Jen Aniston (although i wouldN'T complain if it did..) && i'm not interested in the 'weightloss' aspect, i just wanted to see, cause i was devestatingly curious, if it could in fact elleviate cellulite..

thats right.. i said it.. i suffer from butt dimples.. doesn't matter how skinny i get my ass is still trying to say it's sexy.. in reverse braille.. & so after extensive pinteresting research i decided to give it a go..

so down to my room i went with my saran wrap, lotion, & ace bandages.. feeling admittedly sheepish about the items i had in tow.. it just is an odd assortment.. anyways once in the confines of my room i slathered on my B&BW's body cream, added a few drops of DoTerra Slim & Sassy oil for good measure, & then proceeded to assault myself with cellophane..

do you know how hard it is too properly wrap a buttcheek in saran wrap?? they are NOT an ergonomically correct shape for shrink wrap..  & then you have the dilemma.. do i one cheek it?? OR do i just go full monty & get the whole rearend in one fell swoop?? (those are the questions that keep me up at night).. after some deliberation i decided it would likely be most effective to individually wrap (once again can i stress  how difficult it is to encase your dairy air in plastic??) & then go back & wrap the seperately wrapped buttcheeks together.. i'd be lying if i didn't say it took a solid 15 minutes.. which i think is an excessively large amount of time.. i mean my butts big.. but its not THAT big.. (or maybe it is.. Denile is NOT just a river in Egypt).. then came the ace bandage wrap.. which went on marketably easier, seeing the more 'intricate' work, had already been done..the only difficult part was getting JUST the right tension in my elastic prison.. too loose & it wouldn't do it's job.. too tight & i would need an amputation (& i didn't really want to have to explain to traind medical professionals WHAT i was doing with ace bandade on my butt cheek).. so there i was.. ass wrapped.. ready for bed & smooth skinned glory..(ps. the slim & sassy really did give my rearend a delightful zesty?? (is that the right adjective??) refreshing?? feeling.. so at least it FELT effective)

so it takes a while to get comfortable.. i'm still not feeling any less awkward about my current state & i'm starting to question 'how did i get here?? how did i get to the point where i'm stuffing myself in a synthetic casing??' but eventually at about 11:20 i am able to drift off.. that DIDN'T last.. roughly around 2am, i wake up in a panic, cause i'm seemingly DROWNING in my own butt sweat.. i look at my phone.. dismayed that it's only been 3 hours (all the pinterest postings were adamate that for maximum effectiveness you leave it on OVERNIGHT (or 8 hours).. i wasn't even to the halfway mark.. so i close my eyes & will myself back into slumber.. it didn't happen.. cause 5 minutes later i had that 'i gotta go' feeling that you know is NOT gonna go away.. so i frankenwalk down the hall to the bathroom.. & now is the moment of truth.. can i find away around the saran wrap to pee inspite of my plastic prison OR do i just have to 86 it GET to pee in peace but possibly  miss out on the final 5 hours of my body wrap where the magic might happen!!!.. these were both equally important options i was facing.. butt dimples?? bladder cancer?? in the end my lady parts well being won out (for the sake of health)

so here i am 12 hours later.. sans bladder cancer, having survived copious amounts of swASS, not sure if i'm feeling anymore smooth (didn't take before & after pictures cause i had NO intention of posting them cause lesbi honest that would be mildly inappropro with a touch of softcore porn) but i definately have a greater respect for all meats shoved in synthenic casing.. cause I was that meat only a few short hours ago..

so bottom line was it effective?? possibly ( i don't know since i missed out on the maybe magical last 5 hours) :: will i do it again?? most likely (i normally have to try bad ideas a few times JUST to make sure they are in fact BAD ideas.. except for unexpected unwed pregnancy.. THAT is my only one & done) :: will i do anything differently?? pee before i make my ass a meat mummy (also more DoTerra oil.. it really was strangely delightful)

 & with all the lovely images & questions i have filled your conscience with, i will bid thee a fair Tuesday.. IT'S A WRAP!